when life grabs you by the nuts

you know how sometiumes life grabs you by the nuts and twists them so hard you can't breathe? how sometimes, its so humid around you that your tears refuse to evaporate? how sometimes god cant be found in prayer, but in sin? how lucifer seems to lurk everywhere, and is missing when you want him? how your heart becomes so cold that your soul becomes numb? how prayer leads to insanity and insanity to worship? how your eyes refuse to wander off a path so dimly lit that one thinks its only lit by the light coming from ones soul? how everything becomes a haze, except for smoke? how life refuses to acknowledge your existence? i dont...